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The letters I receive as an agony aunt from women secretly confessing to affairs are never about sex.
They are, without exception, about their husband treating them like a piece of furniture. Intimacy is about communication, whether it is verbal or physical and, if the letters I get from women are anything to go by, once verbal communication goes out of the window, sex goes out of the bedroom. Which is why some women are prepared to forgive a sexual betrayal - if only their husband still loves them and is willing to work for her forgiveness.
It serves as a bonding process to keep men by their side, so for them it's an urgent matter of survival. Dr David Goldmeier, lead clinician at the Sexual Function Clinic at St Mary's hospital in London, says: 'It's easier for men.
We have 15 times the levels of testosterone, so if we see the right female, we're off.' Whereas women have, what he calls, 'responsive desire'.
'I'd constantly want to punish him and I don't want to be that sort of person,' she said.
'I would end up not only hating him, but hating myself, too.' At the same time, if a woman strays, it tends not to be for the lure of a pair of buff biceps and a six-pack, but because she is feeling ignored at home.
But when he stays out scattering nuts and berries outside another woman's cave, your very existence, as well as that of your children, is in serious danger.
For women, love is not simply a question of champagne and flowers.
As a friend of mine said, after she had discovered her partner had been having an affair for years, not only did she feel like an idiot for not seeing it - and for trusting him completely - she was terrified that she would turn into a suspicious, jealous bitch (her word).
Analsex and so called rimming is still somewhat taboo in traditional dating environment.